7 tips to help your child potty train

We know that toilet training can be an anxious time in a child's development. "When will he take off his diapers? When will he be potty-trained? Is it normal for him not to be potty-trained yet? How do we go about it?" And your questions are entirely legitimate. In this article, we'll give you 7 tips to help you support your child in this new acquisition. 

• A quick look at the words used.

Before sharing these tips with you, we'd like to take a look at some of the phrases and words used during this period. 

Let's start with the term "cleanliness". We ask ourselves: is a child dirty before he or she takes off his or her diapers? That's why we prefer to talk about "continence".

Next, let's talk about the term "learning", which comes up a lot when the subject of continence is broached. A child cannot learn to take off his diapers. It's something they'll acquire gradually, just like walking, running or talking. There is no precise age at which all children will remove their diapers. It depends on the individual. There'll be a whole preparation phase, and then gradually, he'll be able to hold back his sphincters. But we'll explain the whole process in the next section. Understanding what's going on in your child's development is invaluable in helping him to meet his needs as closely as possible. 

So we think it's more accurate to talk about "acquiring continence" rather than "potty training" or "acquiring cleanliness". 

• What happens to your child when the question of "potty training" comes up?

At around 18 months, the child begins to control his sphincters as a result of neurological maturation. Before this process, they are simply unable to feel their stools or urine, and therefore cannot hold them. 

With this maturation, the child begins to play an active role in the elimination mechanism. He can now push, hold back, expel...

At the start of this stage, it's not uncommon for children to show a particular interest in their stools, for example, just as they would in anything else they discover. They may look closely at what's in the potty, or want to touch what's inside. 

Children are often confronted with a double emotion regarding what they are experiencing. At one and the same time, his parents are happy that he has gone potty and relieved himself. At the same time, he's not allowed to touch what he's done, because it's "dirty". If you put yourself in the child's shoes, you can understand both his interest and his incomprehension. We can then try to accompany him through this big new step, notably by formulating things for him.

What's more, at the same time as the brain is maturing, giving it the ability to control its sphincters, the child is in a period of affirmation. It is therefore not uncommon for potty training to occur at the same time as the child is saying "no". Keeping this in mind will help you find alternatives to make this new stage as conflict-free as possible.

• How do I know if my child is ready to come out of diapers? 

There are several signs that can alert you to this. First of all, you'll notice that your child is interested in his body. He may be interested in his bowel movements, for example, as we explained above. But he may also spend time in front of the mirror or observing the smallest folds of his body. 

Often, when a child is ready for this acquisition of continence, he shows a particular interest in the toilet or potty. This can be demonstrated when he spends time on it (even if he doesn't undress), or when he pushes open the door to see what you're doing there.

He can also let you know when he's done his business. He may touch his diaper or point to it. In his own way, he's letting you know he wants to take it off.

Finally, another sign may be when the child hides to relieve himself. While playing quietly, he withdraws to a corner, squats (or not) and then returns to play.

These are just some of the signs that indicate your child is probably ready. There are many more, so we advise you to observe your child as closely as possible, so that you can spot his or her signs and provide the best possible support. 

• How can you support your child in this new stage of potty training? 

• Tip No. 1: Even if it's not yet time, think ahead!

If you've been watching your child and notice that he doesn't seem to be in the mood to take off his diapers yet, it's probably because he's not ready. Don't panic, it'll come when it's the right time for him. However, just because potty training hasn't started yet doesn't mean there's nothing you can do. There are many things you can do. For example, we recommend naming the different parts of your baby's body when you take part in diaper-changing time. You should also pay attention to your vocabulary. To take the example given at the beginning of this article, it would be a good idea not to tell your child that he's "dirty", but rather to say that his diaper is full, for example. The question of nappy changing can also be a source of anxiety for some children. Make it a priority to tell your child that you're going to change his diaper, and not just "I'm going to change you". After all, it's the diaper you're changing (not your child!). You can also familiarize him with all the objects involved in potty training, such as the toilet, the potty... Finally, don't hesitate to make him a player in his diaper-changing time, by suggesting that he take off his diaper himself, for example. 

• Tip #2: Choose soft clothing!

When your child is in labor, we advise you to opt for soft clothes that allow him to be independent. He'll then be able to remove his pants easily to go to the bathroom as soon as he feels the need. If he wears tight jeans or overalls, this will be more complicated for him. You can also choose to have him wear diapers that can be put on and taken off like underpants. They will, however, have the absorbent properties of a diaper. This can be an interesting first step. 

• Tip N°3: create a space that encourages independence during potty training. 

The most important thing at this stage is for your child to be able to do things on his own. So make sure that the toilet or bathroom space is adapted to your child's needs. Is the toilet accessible? If not, consider sliding a stepladder over it.. Does he have easy access to the garbage can? Can he wash his hands independently afterwards? We recommend that you opt for our washing unit at child height to facilitate this step. The idea is to be able to think about your child's autonomy at every stage, so as to facilitate his or her acquisition.

• Tip No. 4: Anticipate small "accidents".

Here again, the term isn't quite right, as there's nothing "serious" about soiling pants or underpants. When these moments come (because they will, it's part of the process), your child needs to be able to change clothes easily. Does he have a spare set? It's also a good idea to put a mop at his height, so he can clean up on his own. This will help him feel more involved in this new acquisition. 

• Tip N°5 : Don't force your child. 

Since your child needs to acquire this notion, it's important not to force it. What's more, if you do, you run the risk of encountering a "no". Generally speaking, as mentioned above, the acquisition of continence comes in parallel with the "no" period. To support your child, make sure you give him/her the choice, rather than asking closed questions. For example: "Do you prefer the potty or the toilet?" rather than "Do you want to go pee? 

• Tip No. 6: Get as routine as possible.

It's important that this stage of the day becomes as much a part of the routine as any other activity. In this sense, it's important that there's no pressure around the "end result". You can then suggest that your child goes to the toilet at key times of the day, and if he doesn't pee, that's okay. The idea is for this time to be experienced as normal by your child. In the same way, don't hesitate to tell him when you're going to the toilet too. 

• Tip N°7: Take your time when potty training. 

In our fast-paced lives, it's not always possible to take the time. However, it's important that there are times when your child can experience the potty or toilet without being rushed. Maria Montessori explained that children need to experience this acquisition as they would any other task. So it's not uncommon for children to sit on the toilet (even with their clothes on), to want to flush, to open and close the bowl... And all this, even if they haven't done their business! They're developing all the skills they need to do it!

We hope you'll find these tips helpful as you go through the potty training stage! And if you have any other suggestions, please let us know in the comments!