Reading: 43 minutes

3 Ways to raise independent children

Monti Family Corp |January 20, 2023

If you apply the Montessori method, you know from experience that the aim is to raise independent children who discover and follow their own passions in a purposeful way.

Such a philosophy is even more important in today's culture.

For example, an annual survey of over 150,000 first-year university students revealed the highest levels of depression and lowest levels of emotional well-being over the past 50 years.

In the book "Raising Can-Do Kids:Giving Children the Tools to Thrive in a Rapidly Changing World", the argument is made that today's children need to be prepared for an uncertain future, where many jobs will disappear and others will be created.

Children need to learn to follow their own paths to define and follow their own concept of success, and to independently define who they are - something almost every child will need to do in the decades to come.

To this end, we have drawn heavily on scientific studies, books and resources to propose evidence-based practices for raising an independent child.

Here are 3 key principles:

1 - FACILITATE EXPLORATION

If you believe in the Montessori approach, you know the benefits of letting children explore independently, giving priority to multi-sensory exploration.

We argue that, from birth, babies are programmed to explore their world sensorially, and that this instinct is often short-circuited by the increasing intrusion of structures into children's daily lives.

A child's experience at home should include plenty of opportunities for hands-on exploration. Hands-on activities include free play and the freedom to choose and explore at will.

What's more, numerous studies have shown that even toddlers can use sophisticated cognitive processes such as trial and error, as well as divergent thinking.

Parents can offer unlimited, non-prescriptive activities (building blocks work very well; so do play dough activities) and provide support for children as they test their own ideas and determine what works and what doesn't.

A particularly important idea is to model and encourage "trial and error" rather than "trial and error" - the only "error" that occurs during the creative process is not learning from experience.

2 - OPTIMISM IN PRACTICE

True optimism - the conviction that we can do something to improve a bad situation, that nothing is lost in advance - is the very essence of the independent spirit that drives the child to keep moving towards success, even when things don't go as planned.

They are good at taking calculated risks, weighing up the pros and cons, and being resilient, as they learn to overcome obstacles and excel.

Being an optimistic parent will help your child develop the habit of analyzing obstacles to identify the next small steps to improve (in contrast to both overt pessimism and unrealistic optimism).

Helping children analyze challenges - learning to tie their shoes, swim, or understand a difficult math lesson - in order to define the next steps to improve, driven by the conviction that they can do it, is the essence of success.

It will also give them the confidence to try new things, whether it's playing at school, fitting in with a new group of kids or learning to play an instrument, because they'll be able to handle obstacles and focus on the little ways they can improve, which of course will snowball over time.

3 - CULTIVATING SOCIAL SKILLS

Independent people succeed partly because they know how to work with others.

Research has shown that good social skills in childhood are predictive of personal and professional success decades later.

An independent child learns to manage his or her own conflicts, engage in conversations (parents who talk a lot with their children, whatever their age, will help them build their vocabulary and improve their ability to express themselves and understand others) and collaborate with diverse personalities (parents can guide children on how to work with others to solve problems or complete projects).

The fact remains that knowing how to play well in the sandbox is a predictor of future success.

Although these principles are not exclusive to the Montessori approach, it is remarkable that there is an extraordinary convergence. It might be useful for Montessori enthusiasts to delve deeper into this work to see the extent to which developmental research supports the foundations offered by a Montessori education.