Reading: 33 minutes

Encouraging Problem Solving

Joana Da Silva Groz |January 12, 2023

"Never help a child with a task in which he feels he can succeed." - Maria Montessori

This quote speaks volumes about the ultimate goal of a Montessori education: independent children who succeed in the real world.

Unfortunately, we often see parents wanting to solve all their children's problems for them. They are, in essence, compromising by adopting this approach: as they rush in and solve a problem or do for their child, they rid their child of any discomfort.

But in the long term, they prevent a child from solving what's problematic. And, ultimately, they don't give their child the tools he or she needs to become an independent, successful adult, who will face even more complex problems in the future.

Here are a few tools to help children solve problems on their own.

1- Encourage problem solving when ....

You sense that your child knows there's a mistake.

It's so easy to tell a child what's wrong and point out the mistake: like the times you can see his frustration when he's got a maths exercise wrong: you know exactly where the mistake is, and it's pretty automatic for the parent to want to tell the child where the mistake is.

But to intervene and say what's wrong is to do the child a disservice, because he doesn't need to take his time or work it out himself. The best thing to do is simply point out a mistake to the child who has made it, and he'll find out for himself where the problem lies.

So, use this type of question when you see that your child is having difficulties:

"What were the steps involved in solving this exercise?"
"Where do you think the problem lies?"
"What other ideas do you have for solving this problem?"
"Would you like to try it again?"
"Can you tell me about how you solved this problem?"

Questions like this help children see themselves as problem-solvers. When they hear these phrases frequently, it becomes natural for them to have this problem-solving mentality.

Sometimes these questions don't help children find the solution. When this happens, ask more specific questions about the problem itself to guide them to the correct answer. This builds children's confidence by letting them know that they've always been able to solve the problem and haven't been told how.

2- They come to you with a problem and expect you to solve it.

"This child is being mean to me." "I broke a plate" "I can't figure out how to do this exercise"...if you're a parent, you're used to hearing these "cries for help". Here's a sentence that makes all the difference:

How can I help you solve this problem?

This question alone gets him thinking about how the problem can be solved, and whether there's anything I, the parent, can do to help him solve it.

However, if this is new to you, or if you notice that your child is having difficulties, try to suggest a few potential solutions and let him or her choose from these options. But this crucial question shows the child that there are always many ways of solving a problem, and allows him or her to weigh up the pros and cons of these solutions to find the one that suits him or her best.

3- Children need skills to deal with conflicts with their peers.

Here are two great tools for kids to use when they have problems with their peers: the Peace Wheel and the Resolution Wheel.

The aim is for children to use these tools to resolve their own conflicts. This way, you'll rarely have to intervene. Teach them how to use them effectively.

Encourage discussion and exchange, and stand back when children use them for the first time to intervene if necessary. The more time you devote to using the tools effectively, the more your children (and you!) will benefit if they are able to use them independently.

When we can give children all these tools to help them realize that they have the ability to solve problems themselves, it really sets them on the right path to facing life's obstacles and gaining self-confidence in the process!