You may have noticed that your child often behaves better with others than with you. This can be frustrating and even discouraging.

You may be asking yourself: "Why is my child more obedient with others than with me?

This article explores the possible reasons for this behavior and offers practical advice based on Montessori pedagogy to help harmonize your child's emotional management and obedience.

  

Understanding Your Child's Behavior

 

Attachment and Trust

One of the reasons your child may behave differently with you than with others is the nature of your relationship. You are probably the person with whom your child feels most secure. This means he feels free to express all his emotions, even the most intense, in your presence.
 

This phenomenon is often misinterpreted as disobedience, when in fact it reflects a deep sense of trust and security.

 

Borders and Rules

Children perceive and interpret boundaries and rules differently, depending on their environment. With other adults, boundaries may seem clearer or stricter, which may encourage a child to behave more obediently. At home, limits may be more flexible, or the child may test these limits to see how far they can go. 

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The Role of Imitation

Children learn a great deal through imitation. They observe the behaviors of adults and other children around them and try to reproduce them. When in the presence of others, they may imitate behaviors more in line with social expectations, while at home they feel freer to explore and express their true personalities.
 

Applying Montessori Principles to Emotion Management

 

Creating a prepared environment

One of the fundamental principles of the Montessori method is to create a prepared environment where the child can explore and learn independently. At home, this means establishing a space where your child feels safe and free to express his or her emotions. Here are some tips for creating such an environment:

• Calming space: Create a quiet corner where your child can retreat when feeling overwhelmed by his emotions. This space can contain soothing objects such as cushions, stuffed animals or books.
• Predictable routines: Children feel safer when they know what to expect. Establish daily routines for meals, sleep and activities to provide a stable, reassuring framework.
• Appropriate equipment: Provide age-appropriate toys and activities that encourage independent exploration and learning.

  

Encouraging Emotional Expression

It's essential to encourage your child to express his or her emotions in a healthy way. Here's how you can do it:

• Active listening: Take the time to listen to your child when he expresses his emotions. Show them you understand how they feel and validate their feelings.

• Modeling Emotions: Set an example by expressing your own emotions in a healthy and constructive way. Talk about how you feel and how you manage your emotions.

• Language of Emotions: Teach your child to identify and name emotions. Use books, games and discussions to enrich his emotional vocabulary.

 

 

Strategies for Harmonizing Obedience and Emotion Management

 

Setting clear, consistent limits

Children need boundaries to feel secure and understand expectations. Here are some tips for setting clear limits:

• Simple rules: Formulate simple, understandable rules. For example, "We put our toys away after playing".
• Consistent consequences: Apply consistent consequences when rules are broken. Ensure that consequences are logical and proportionate to the infraction.
• Explanations: Always explain why a rule is in place. Children are more likely to follow rules if they understand their importance.

 

Using Positive Reinforcement

Positive reinforcement is an effective technique for encouraging desired behaviors. Here are some ways to use it:

• Specific praise: When your child behaves well, give specific praise that describes exactly what he or she has done well. For example, "I like the way you put your toys away without my asking.
• Tangible rewards: Use tangible rewards to motivate your child. It could be a sticker, a special moment together or a little surprise.
• Verbal reinforcement: Use positive, encouraging words to motivate your child and reinforce positive behavior.

 

Managing angry outbursts

Tantrums are a normal part of a child's development, but they can be difficult to manage. Here are some tips for dealing with them:

• Stay calm: Stay calm and cool when your child has a tantrum. Your calmness can help soothe your child.
• Ignore inappropriate behavior: Sometimes the best response is to ignore inappropriate behavior and give attention once the child has calmed down.
• Offer Alternatives: Offer acceptable alternatives for the expression of frustration. For example, if your child wants something he can't have, offer a different activity or a toy he can use.

 

The Benefits of Montessori Education on Emotion Management

 

The Montessori approach promotes healthy emotional development and autonomous management of emotions in children. Here are some specific benefits of this method:

 

Autonomy and independence

 

The Montessori method encourages autonomy and independence from an early age. By enabling your child to make decisions and solve problems on his or her own, you build self-confidence and the ability to manage emotions independently.
 

Social and Emotional Development

 

Montessori activities foster social and emotional development by encouraging cooperation, respect and mutual understanding. Children learn to work together, share and resolve conflicts constructively.

 

Experience-based learning

 

Children learn best when they have hands-on experiences. Montessori activities are designed to engage the senses and encourage hands-on learning. This helps children understand and manage their emotions more effectively.

 

Conclusion

Understanding why your child is more obedient with others than with you can be the first step towards better emotional management and more harmonious behavior at home. By applying Montessori principles, creating a prepared environment, encouraging emotional expression and using effective strategies, you can help your child develop healthy emotional management and harmonious behavior.

Remember that every child is unique, and what works for one child may not work for another. Be patient, flexible and ready to adapt your approaches to your child's specific needs. With time and commitment, you'll see significant improvements in your child's emotional management and obedience.