Your child bites, hits, scratches, pulls hair, sulks... and that's normal! He'll try out different ways of expressing his anger or displeasure.

Between the ages of 1 and 4, young children learn to express their emotions. Up to the age of 6, they are subject to strong, invasive emotions.  

When your young child behaves aggressively, it's often because he hasn't yet found another way to express himself. How can you react with kindness? Your role as a parent is to suggest alternatives. 

 

My child bites, hits or behaves aggressively. Why does this happen?

Ask yourself why this bite? Is it an impulse, a teething problem, a way of communicating that baby is experimenting with? 

Your child is in the process of discovering his environment.

It doesn't necessarily bite or hit with the intention of hurting or injuring.

It's all part of his development and socialization. Discover the hidden needs behind your child's behavior. His gestures have a meaning that it's up to you to interpret. 

 

Its aim is not to hurt!

When your child bites or hits, it's not with the intention of hurting! Until he's 2-3 years old, he's not aware of the link between hitting or biting, and the pain it can cause. 

At this point, it's important to express your feelings. 

Relieve the pain of teething

If he's under a year old, baby may just be looking for relief from the pain of teething. 

 

Play

Your child bites because he hasn't mastered language yet. And biting may well be a form of play. He puts your cheek or his friend's hand in his mouth, just as he would with one of his toys. 

 

The frustration of language

Around 18 months, your child has a lot to say, but is not yet able to express it clearly. This is very frustrating for the baby, and can lead to awkward gestures such as biting.  

 

There is a lot of confusion surrounding the bite

Kissing and other tactile gestures can be confused with biting. This is often the case when parents enjoy "crunching their little feet" or "eating their baby with kisses". So it may be that your little crocodile wants to bite back.

 

The need to assert yourself

Between 18 and 24 months of age, baby is in the "no" phase and needs to assert himself. He then opposes by hitting or biting. This has nothing to do with malice.

 

A way to express anger

Before the age of 6, children have difficulty managing their emotions and are sometimes subjected to emotional storms. They may scream, kick, roll on the floor or bite to express their anger. Here, the aim is not to hurt, but to unload an emotion that's much too strong. 

 

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How do I react when my child bites, hits or is aggressive?

Quote: "When those around children understand them and know how to calm them down, these impulsive episodes diminish and become rare around 5-7 years of age. The popular adage rightly puts the age of reason at 7. Vivre heureux avec son enfant, by Catherine Gueguen. 

 

In the dynamics of positive discipline, a child who behaves inappropriately is a discouraged child. Your child hits or bites to tell you things he doesn't know how to say any other way. But how can you react in a benevolent way?

 

Promoting language development

If your child starts to talk, you should encourage him to express his anger with words, not with a bite or a sharp gesture. "Honey, you can say it with words. 

 

Avoid trivializing the bite 

Games where you bite your child to play should be avoided.

 

Do not bite back. 

A few years ago, when a child bit, the parents bit back... even harder. Today, we know that children are essentially nourished by what their parents embody. You serve as a model for your children, and they build themselves by observing you.  

 

Offer alternatives 

• A teething ring can help relieve teething pain.
• Show him a cuddly gesture that over time will replace the bite.

 

No need to repeat "don't bite".

Toddlers can't hear negation! You'll want to say "stop" firmly to dissuade him.

 

Suggest other ways of asserting yourself

Between the ages of 2 and 4, your child's personality begins to take shape, notably through the famous oppositional tantrums. If you think your child is biting because he needs to assert himself, suggest games or activities that will help him feel strong. 

 

Keep calm so as not to escalate the situation

It's true that parents sometimes lose their patience, but by shouting, you'll reinforce the confusion and your child won't know how to react.

You can explain calmly but firmly: "Your mouth bit your little brother, it hurts a lot, look, he's even got marks...".

By avoiding saying YOU bit, we avoid making him feel accused. The message will get across much better. "Your mouth can be used for eating or kissing, but biting is forbidden".  

 

Help him develop empathy

When your child bites or hits, ask him to put himself in the place of the person he has hurt. Reversing the roles will help your child understand the consequences of his actions.

Finally, there's no point in asking him why he's doing it: he doesn't know himself, and in any case he won't be able to explain it, as his cerebral maturation doesn't allow him to at this stage.

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In short, my child bites or kicks to make me understand something.

Most of the time, his behavior has nothing to do with violence; it's simply a means of expression. You're there to help him acquire language skills and teach him to manage his emotions! Your love and support in his development will be his greatest help.

 

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Bibliography :

I tried everything by Isabelle FILLIOZAT

Positive discipline by Jane NELSEN

Living happily with your child, by Catherine GUEGUEN